When Tinder Is Too Honest
Adventures In Online Dating
College, A Simpler Time
I don’t think I will ever forget how I met my favorite boyfriend in college. I was out with some friends at a party, had a few drinks and we decided we were hungry. So we leave the party to go meet a different friend at her apartment. Now keep in mind this was not before texting and cell phones (I’m not that old), but this was before unlimited text plans and smart phones, so communication wasn’t hard, but not as easy as it is today. While looking for this friends apartment, we ended up in the correct building, but on the wrong floor, and there for the wrong apartment. Ok so maybe we had a few too many drinks.
We go into the kitchen, realize we are in the wrong, place, but don’t really care since there was no one there. Who leaves their door open? A few stolen Oreo cookies later, an angry guy comes in and kicks us out. Angry guy had a cute room mate. And when I ran into him at a party later in the night, apologizing for stealing the cookies was the perfect ice breaker.
Cool story right? Well he is happily married with at least one kid now. And I am not his wife. Which is fine, I am very happy he is happy. But I bet our how we met story is better than theirs.
Dating Has Changed
Dating in 2018 is different. It isn’t easy to meet people. And I am pretty sure if I wander into someone’s apartment I will end up arrested, not with a new cute boyfriend.
Enter online dating, more specifically Tinder. I’ve had a nice break from online dating, but after the recent break up I am back at it. Well at least I was. The app has since been deleted.
I did meet one guy with some potential. A few years older than me, but cute, good job, daughter, ex marine, tall, easy to talk too, likes the out doors, and not intimidated by successful women. Yes he checked a lot of the boxes.
He wastes no time asking for my number, we have two days of great text conversations, and then he nails down a date. We agree to meet up at Stone Balloon on a Friday night.
He was a few minutes late, but hell so was I, but it was ok because I got greeted with a big smile and a sweet kiss on the cheek. We both cracked a joke about being late, and he pulled my chair out for me.
He was clearly paying attention while we were texting, he asked me if I wanted a glass of cab sav, and we ordered apps. Apps turn into more drinks and dinner. Dinner turns into, lets go find a bar with live music.
Why Are You Single?!
This date is going perfect. I’m relaxed, he’s funny, and I was having a great time. But I had to do it. Its like going to look at a horse that should be worth 10k but they are only asking 2k…. what’s wrong with it? How did I find this great guy on a discount dating app? I just had to ask the question. Why are you single?
He laughed. But totally understood the question. And was honest with his answer. Almost too honest. Within two minutes my perfect Friday night out took a spiraling nose dive.
“Well I am not actually divorced. I am just separated, and will be for awhile because my ex is still on my health insurance”. Ok this one I am ok with. I’m not looking to get married tomorrow, and insurance is freaking expensive.
“Well I am technically not an engineer, I only have my high school diploma, but I work very closely with electrical engineers”. Ok… He claimed he is still making good money, and I am not exactly using my degree right now, so I could work with that too.
“Well I used to be a swinger”. Well folks, that was strike three. Swinger? Really? Where are all the normal guys hiding! But I am polite, well kind of, so instead of immediately running, I ordered another glass of wine, listened to the band, whos was decent, and let him continue to talk.
Three Strikes… I Should Have Been Done
Bands done, bar closes, and he offers to walk me to my truck. Fine. I did have a good night, despite knowing I can’t see him anymore, so I let him walk me the two blocks to my truck. He asks to kiss me goodnight. Fine. How awful could that be right?
Anyone want to take a guess as to what happened? Anyone? Bet you can’t!
He bit me. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.
You read that right. A grown man bit me! And not it a fun flirty way, little nibble way. I have a bruise! He actually bit me. So moral of the story is unless you are into guys who are still married, who lie about their jobs, and who are ex swingers that like biting, stay off of Tinder. Or at least make sure you are up to date on your rabies shots.
So the apps have been deleted, again. But I think for good this time. I am making the promise to myself to go out with friends more and to not waist time with guys that aren’t right for me. Match.com has been suggested, and I am thinking about it again, because it is time to open myself up to something serious. Time to find my partner in crime. Bitters need not apply. Wish me luck.