I am going to be completely honest… I am so glad that you are over. Don’t get me wrong. There were moments that were amazing. But I won’t miss you. We are over, and I’m not looking back.
The lows are obvious I think. Starting with the divorce and all that came with it. I know that just because the year is over, it doesn’t mean that I won’t have to continue to deal with all that comes with divorce, but I am starting to handle it better. I need him to know I still love him. And always will. The father of my perfect child. We shared so much, I get to keep the good memories, and choose to remember the you I fell in love with and wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Divorce takes a lot, but it will not take the me that knows love is possible.
I lost two family members. Two horses that had been with me at the farm since the beginning needed to get put down. It was the right thing to do, they were getting older, not holding weight, lots of arthritis, and there was no way they would have survived the current 2 degree weather we are having. I miss them every day. Sweet boys, I hope you are fat, happy, and running pain free.
Job loss. That one was hard too. Well only half hard, I was miserable at my office, I don’t miss going there at all. But paychecks are nice. Struggling financially is not fun, but I have been able to spend so much more time with Kasey, and that is truly a blessing.
My Favorite Day
There were moments that I felt the worst I have ever felt about myself. Ugly and worthless. Depressed and sad. So sad that it was coupled with physical pain. But I also got to feel happy, unbelievably happy. My favorite day of 2017 was the day at the beach I spent with Kasey and the family swimming in the pool. 2017, you took a lot from me. But that memory, oh that day you can’t take. I get to keep it, and treasure it forever as one of the best days of my life. I’ve never laughed so hard, or had such a big smile on my face.
I also got to feel sexy. Adult, grown up sexy. Not just with a new man, but by myself, dressed up headed out with friends. I got to feel athletic and strong. Doing barn chores by yourself, including the never ending task of fence board fixing, will make your arms look amazing.
The highs… oh the highs. When I finally let myself go and caught my breath, the world opened up. I laughed more with my girlfriends this year then I ever have before. This sounds nuts, but somedays colors even seemed brighter. I made new friends, and re-kindled old relationships. I learned more about myself this year then I ever thought was possible. And I plan on continuing to learn and grow.
Dating. I could start a whole separate blog on the world of online dating and dating in your 30s post-divorce. The stories are hysterical, from the bartender to the farmer and all the craziness in between. There will be more on this later in sperate posts. For when laughter is needed.
I went flying! Yes me! Miss Anxiety. I went up in a parachute plane and got to see the farm from a whole new angle. I really helped me get some perspective. What have I been so nervous about? Take that 2017, because 2018 is all about tackling fears. Anxiety or not. Fear or not. Sad or not. Happy or not.
I went flying! Nope, not a repeat. I took Roo to a novice level derby. We did pretty poorly, and ended the season getting eliminated for refusals. But I put myself out there and realized that I am a way better rider and horse person than I had been giving myself credit for.
Cheers to 2018
2018 is already better, I started this year waking up next to the love of my life, Miss Kasey. There are amazing things to look forward too. I am starting to even out, and feel like me again. Ready to take on the world! Both the relationship world and the equestrian world. Look out! I’m back baby, I’m taking my life back, and I’m taking over the world.
Peace out 2017.